Sleeping To Dream Blog


Saturday, February 20, 2010

The Ex Factor

So of course it has been ages since I last blogged. I never get around to it although I think about writing down my thoughts all the time. Sometimes my thoughts are so random and other times I am thinking back to years ago which seems like a lifetime ago really. Everything is so different, in a good way. I think back to 5 years ago and how miserable and lost I was and thank God for pulling me out of that dreadful situation. You never really know how bad it is until you're out. I have a beautiful baby boy now and an amazing husband who is my partner in every way. Our relationship is no where near perfect but it's normal. Normal in the sense that it's not crazy. Yes, I said crazy. All of my previous relationships have been crazy and I have felt crazy in them! I am not kidding. My ex-hubby baby daddy to my girls and I were horrible together. We brought out the worst in each other. We fought like crazy people, throwing things and yelling at each other at the top of our lungs...we ignored each other, made empty promises and worse off, there was a great deal of name-calling which just broke me. You can't respect someone who you can call names. I would question myself and wonder if I really deserved to be treated that way. We just kept pushing each other's buttons to the point that we ultimately stopped showing each other any respect.

Geez, I could write a book about it but I am glad that part of my life is over. I still care about him, but we really are better off as friends. I think we will always have this love/hate relationship going on but in the end we have to get along because we have two girls to take care of. I still worry about him. Just the other day, I had this weird vibe that something was bothering him but I never approached him about it. Mainly because I don't want to intrude in his personal life and I really like the way things are right now. I think keeping a certain amount of distance is good, especially in our situation. Given our history, when we let our guard down and get too comfortable with each other, that's when we clash and fall back into the "habit" of disrespecting one another. I don't need or want that drama in my life. Not anymore!

I think staying good friends with your ex can be healthy...but in some cases it is not. My other ex and I are not friends and I would not have it any other way. Our relationship was always dysfunctional and I have to say it has been such a relief to not have to deal with it any longer. It just got too stressful. He claimed to have always loved me, but I didn't know whether he just saying that because it was true or if he was saying that cause he couldn't find anyone else. Putting aside that, we were close friends and I really thought we would stay that way forever, but I was wrong. He hurt me deeply many times, but the worst was when he wasn't there for me during the most challenging time in my life, my divorce. He approved of the divorce but he wasn't there for me like I thought he would be. He was one of my closest friends but he was hanging with my ex (who he wasn't that close with at the time). Just didn't fly with me, but I let my feelings lay low and stayed friends with him regardless. He was even completely fine when he found out I was dating Rick. I was going through a lot during that period in my life and lacked the time to hang out with him. I was adjusting to being a single mom and trying to figure out where to go from there. A few months later, I got an email telling me that he couldn't be friends with me any longer and that he wanted time apart. We had not seen or spoken to each other in weeks/months so what the heck? I don't know if that drove him to want space but I agreed and we haven't spoken since. It was one of the best things that could have happened because I realized that our relationship was crazy. It was a drama filled mess of a soap opera. I came to realize that the day I met him affected everything in my life for the worse and it kept getting worse. It was bad, bad, bad to the bone for so many reasons. I wouldn't be where I am now if I had continued with our friendship. I hope he is better off as well and I bet he is cause did I mention our relationship was bad to the bone? Yes, it was.

Finally my other ex is my bestest friend in the whole wide world. You know who you are. He is such a good fellow. I am lucky to have him there for me and my family. He is a thoughtful, caring guy who has been with me through some crazy times. We are not crazy together, he has just been there for me through everything mentioned above. And believe me when I was depressed or needed to be talked off a ledge, he was the guy to do it. He knows me more than anyone else in this planet and has always stuck by me through the craziest moments. He was there for me when I adopted mya, he was there for me when I was going through my IVF's, he was there for me during my pregnancy with Keira and was always there to help out with the girls. I am a lucky girl to have a besty like him. We are not close like we once were but that's only because Rick is filling in the "best friend" shoes like a good hubby should. He even told me that he finally doesn't have to worry about me now that I have Rick. With the others, he always felt the need to be there for me because the man in my life wasn't. He's right about that. He doesn't have to worry anymore because I am finally at a place that is not crazy and it feels really good. Even though we are not as close as we once were, he'll always be my bestest friend in the whole world. You can't mess with 21 years of being bff's!
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